


I Want To Be Lovers Instead

by ToxicTraitor



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-02
Updated: 2016-12-02
Packaged: 2018-09-03 20:14:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8728657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicTraitor/pseuds/ToxicTraitor
Summary: Yuuto knows that he's running the risk of ruining his friendship with Shun but his heart can't handle holding back anymore. Everything he holds close to his heart hangs in the balance of his confession.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I wanna ruin our friendship  
> We should be lovers instead  
> I don't know how to say this  
> 'Cause you're really my dearest friend

Shun feels so soft underneath Yuuto’s fingertips.  Shun’s kisses are more intoxicating than the liquor that Yuuto had once shared with him the day they had skipped school to drink on the rooftop of the abandoned warehouse on the dock. 

          The mattress squeaks and groans underneath their weight.  Every time they move, the springs moan in protest.  Those moans are drowned out by the sounds that Shun makes every time that Yuuto nips at his skin.

          The heat is almost too much for Yuuto to handle.  There’s so much of it.  Every kiss and every touch leaves Yuuto’s body feeling hotter and hotter until-

          Until the alarm goes off and jolts Yuuto awake.  He sits up in bed, his heart still racing and his sheets a tangled, sweaty mess.  Yuuto’s mouth is so dry and there’s an uncomfortable strain in his pants.

          Yuuto curses under his breath; this is the third time this has happened in the past two weeks.  Yuuto feels dirty and like a traitor.  It wasn’t normal to dream of your best friend like this. 

          Yuuto lays back down into the mattress and covers his face with his hands.  Why does he dream of Shun like this?  Why does he dream of Shun touching him in all those secret little places that leave him breathless and wanting more?  Most importantly, why does he like those dreams?

          Yuuto feels disgusting.  He can barely look Shun in the eyes when he and Shun walk to class only an hour later.  Shun just smiles and laughs like he always does.  Would he still smile and laugh if he knew about the things he did and said last night in Yuuto’s dream?    

          It’s harder when lunch break comes around and Shun takes a seat right next to him.  Yuuto can barely breathe whenever Shun’s arm brushes against his or whenever Shun’s knee knocks into his own.

          Yuuto can see Ruri watching them carefully.  Yuuto can see it dawn in her eyes as she puts two and two together.  She waits until she and Yuuto are both in class alone before she slams her palms onto Yuuto’s desk.

          “You have a crush on my brother, don’t you?” she accuses.  There’s a spark of pure confidence in her eyes because she knows without a doubt that she’s right.

          Yuuto knows he can’t lie to Ruri and he wouldn’t dare try under normal circumstance.  He’s afraid of her and he has been ever since they were seven when she faked her tears to get out of trouble with Shun.  She was too powerful and she knew it.

          He shakes his head anyway.  He can’t lie to Ruri but he can at least try and hope for the best.

          Ruri’s jaw drops before she begins to bounce in excitement.  She claps her hands together and her hair bounces off her shoulders with every bound.

          “I knew it,” she practically sings, “Oh, I’m going to tell him.  I’m going to text him right now,”

          “Wait,” Yuuto begs, “Please, Ruri.  Don’t tell him, I don’t want him to know,”

          Ruri frowns, “So you’re just going to hide it from him for the rest of your life?”

          “I don’t know… Yeah?” Yuuto mumbles, “I can’t let him know.  He’s my best friend, I’m not supposed to like him like that,”

          “Why are you going to let that stop you?” Ruri asks with her hand on her hip.  Yuuto sinks in his seat, readying himself for another lecture.

          “Because… that’s just how it is…” Yuuto continues.

          Ruri sighs and rolls her eyes, “You’re being ridiculous,”

 

Yuuto keeps quiet for the next few weeks.  The dreams only get worse and he doesn’t know what is a dream and what isn’t anymore.  His dreams always start out like a normal day.  It always starts out the same, with him and Shun joking around like they always did except that they always ended up tangled together somehow.  The last dream had them making out by the history section in the library.  Yuuto could almost smell the thick dust that only history books could collect.

          It’s too hard to be around Shun anymore.  Yuuto can’t help but notice every little detail about him.  Like the way his hair falls when it’s wet from the rain or the color of his eyes when he’s half asleep.  It drives Yuuto absolutely crazy.

          Fate seemed to be playing against him.  He and Shun both get caught in the rain, leaving them soaking wet.  By the time they arrive to Shun’s house, they’re both cold and dripping puddles in the entryway of Shun’s house.

          Shun wastes no time.  He strips his clothes at the door, leaving them in a wet pile on the floor.  He instructs Yuuto to do the same.  Shun’s in no mood to mop up the entire apartment today.

          “Ruri won’t be home tonight,” Shun says as he unzips his wet jacket, “She’s staying over at Yuzu’s.  You don’t have to worry about her seeing you or anything, it’s just us,”

          Just us?  How was that any better?  Yuuto didn’t have a problem with Ruri seeing him half-naked.  They had seen each other during their old swimming classes plenty of times.  Yuuto’s more worried about seeing Shun in nothing but his boxer briefs.

          Yuuto tries not to stare but he’s failing fast.  The more he tries to look away, the more his eyes glance back.  Shun hasn’t noticed his staring, at least, he hasn’t said anything.

          “Your clothes, Yuuto,” Shun reminds, “I’ll throw them in the wash for you.  You might as well sleep here for the night.  I don’t think the rain will let up anytime soon,”

          “S-sure,” Yuuto stutters, stripping himself.  He hands Shun the pile of wet clothes and stands awkwardly in Shun’s hallway as Shun goes to start up the washing machine.

          When Shun comes back, he’s –thankfully- wearing an old shirt and sweatpants.  He tosses some clothes at Yuuto, which Yuuto barely manages to catch.  Even in his worn pajamas, Shun still looked ridiculously tempting.

          Yuuto stares at the fabric in his hands.  They’re Shun’s clothes, soft from use and smelling faintly of detergent and Shun’s warm, vanilla scent.  For a moment, Yuuto just wants to stand there and be enveloped in the comforting smells.  He shakes himself, feeling Shun’s eyes on him, he dresses quickly.

          “Dinner?” Shun asks as he heads towards the kitchen.

          “Whatever you want,” Yuuto mumbles, “I’m up for anything,”

          Ruri isn’t home, like she usually is.  Shun’s too use to cooking for three so in the end, there’s more than enough food for the both of them.

          Yuuto stares blankly at the pearly white grains of hot rice.  His appetite is gone.  He doesn’t think he can eat when he feels this way.  He just wants… He just wants Shun.  That was all.

          “Not hungry?” Shun asks, engulfing more rice.  

          “It’s not that.  It’s just-,” Yuuto doesn’t get to finish his sentence.  Shun’s phone rings, buzzing and playing some song that Shun must have let Ruri pick.

          Shun answers immediately, smiling as he talks to his sister over the phone.  He asks how she is, if she’s okay, if she needs anything.  Yuuto listens quietly to the conversation, trying to fight his feelings for Shun.

          Shun was loving, caring, perfect.  His love for his sister only proved that.  He cared for her like she was all that he had.  In some ways she was, since the Kurosaki siblings were long ago orphaned.  Yuuto loved that about Shun, the way he cared too much, loved too much.

          He felt like family, he  _ was  _ family.  Yuuto didn’t have a shot or a chance at anything more.  The thought of it was heartbreaking.  Shun didn’t love him in that way, never would love him in that way.  Shun loved him like a friend, a brother, not a lover.

          “Hey Shun,” Yuuto mumbles when dinner is over, “Let’s get drunk,”

          Shun smiles, “Why not?” he laughs.  

          There’s a bottle or two of cheap liquor in Shun’s cabinet.  It was weak, burned more than anything really.  They drank just to say that they did, not to get so drunk that they couldn’t see.  All they felt was the warm buzz that half a bottle of cheap, convenience store liquor could bring.

          Shun’s half asleep, sprawled out on the couch.  Yuuto sits alone in the soft armchair with his arms wrapped around his legs and knees to his chest.  He tries to concentrate on the alcohol in his system and not the ache in his heart.

          He watches the rise and fall of Shun’s chest as Shun drifts to sleep.  He stares too long at Shun’s face, soft and young in sleep.  He stares at his lips, at the soft curves, at the corners that tip up slightly in sleep.

          Yuuto leans closer.  Shun’s asleep, would a kiss hurt him?  Was it wrong to kiss him?  Was it wrong to press his lips to Shun’s just to see what it would feel like?  Would he hate it, would he love it?

          Yuuto’s too drunk to question it too much.  He leans in, gently pressing his lips to Shun’s.  Shun’s eyes flutter open, focusing on Yuuto, confusion clear in his warm, gold irises.

          “Yuuto?” Shun mumbles quietly, “What are you doing?”

          “Shhh,” Yuuto murmurs, “Go back to sleep,”

          “You kissed me,” 

          “I just… I just wanted to try something,”

          “Then why are you stopping?” Shun asks, the gold in his eyes burn through Yuuto’s.

          “Do you want me to kiss you?” Yuuto asks.

          The question hangs in the air, the silence ringing almost painfully in Yuuto’s ears.  He leans in, resting his forehead against Shun’s.

          “I-I want you to kiss me,” Shun admits, “But only if you want to,”

          “I want to,” Yuuto sighs, “I’ve wanted to for so long,”

          Yuuto kisses Shun again, softly, gently, like he was kissing delicate rose petals.  He can taste the remaining liquor on Shun’s lips.  It makes his head spin for more.

          Yuuto climbs until he’s laying on top of Shun.  They’re both quiet, exploring things about each other that they’ve both been wanting to for so long.  There’s an innocence to it, like bubbles blown in the summer or like fruity bubblegum.

          Another kiss, another touch and Yuuto’s head is spinning.  He wants more than just kisses.  His body is trembling and he’s half hard.  He wants more; he wants all of Shun, every single inch of his skin.

          Shun stops him though, placing a hand on Yuuto’s chest and pushing him away.

          “What’s wrong?” Yuuto asks, worry filling his voice.  There are tears in his eyes.

          Shun looks uncomfortable, he won’t meet Yuuto’s eyes, “I can’t,” Shun admits.

          “Can’t what?”

          A blush colors Shun’s cheeks, “This is too much,” he half laughs, “This is embarrassing,”

          Yuuto moves to give Shun space.  As he does, his leg brushes over the front of Shun’s pants.  Yuuto blushes now too, Shun is as hard as he is.

          “I’m sorry,” Shun apologizes.

          “Don’t be,”

          “It’s… I feel so hot,”

          Yuuto swallows, “I do, too,” he admits, his face burning hotter.

          Shun is quiet for another moment, avoiding Yuuto’s eyes, “I-I want to…,” he pauses, “To…,”

          Shun stops, his face burning red in shame.  He closes his eyes and shakes his head.  This is too hard, too much to ask for.

          “Sex?” Yuuto finishes quietly.

          Shun swallows and nods, “I… Where do we start?” Shun mumbles.  It’s adorable, in Yuuto’s eyes, to see Shun being so timid and cautious when he was usually so confident.

          “I could…,” Yuuto trails off.  He reaches down to pull Shun’s sweatpants down and out of the way.

          “No, Yuuto,” Shun manages.  His voice is even more raspy than usual.

          “What’s wrong?”

          “Shouldn’t we… use protection and uh… lube?”

          Yuuto blinks, “We should… I don’t have any on me, though,”

          “Neither do I,” Shun responds.  He’s never needed them before, in fact, it’s never even crossed his mind to buy any, “We can run to the convenience store and be back in ten minutes,” Shun tacks on at the end.

          “Isn’t it embarrassing?” Yuuto wonders, getting off of Shun, “If they see us buying them, they’ll know what we’re going to do,”

          “It’s not that embarrassing,” Shun says.  

          Easy enough for him, Yuuto thinks to himself.  Shun does all the grocery shopping, including whatever embarrassing items Ruri wants or needs.  Yuuto doesn’t know how he can keep a straight face at the checkout aisle.  He’s sure the cashier must laugh behind Shun’s back.

          They head down to the small convenience store around the corner.  It’s brightly lit, standing out through the still drizzling rain.  Yuuto lets Shun lead him through the store to the ‘Intimates’ section.

          He watches as Shun inspects several sets of packaging.  The reality of what they’re doing is finally hitting him.  They’re here, buying a pack of condoms, so they can go back to Shun’s bed and have sex for the first time.

          It seemed like such a good idea, but now he’s wondering whether Shun is having second thoughts.  Yuuto still wants this, he really does.  Every single cell in his body wants Shun and every single cell in his body is afraid that Shun doesn’t want him.

          They make their purchase after a few more minutes of Shun trying to decide which brand would be better to use and better on his wallet.  They walk the rest of the way home, with the plastic bag rustling quietly between them with each step.

          There’s a strange normalcy to it.  It feels so normal, like they’ve just gone to the corner store to buy some soda and chips to snack on.  They walk the same path they always go down, get barked at by the same Border Collie, walk up the same flight of stairs to Shun’s apartment.  Shun even drops his keys before he opens the door, like he always does.

          The only difference is what’s in the bag in Shun’s hands.  There aren’t any calorie loaded snacks in it, instead, there’s a pack of condoms and a bottle of lubricant in there.  Yuuto half expects to blink and everything will be back to normal again.

          “Do you want to… freshen up or anything?” Shun asks. His expression mimics Yuuto’s current state.  Shun looks just as lost as Yuuto feels.

          “I’m good, are you?”

          “Yeah,”

          There’s a moment of silence between them.  Shun shifts his weight nervously and Yuuto bites his lip.

          “Do you really want to do this?” Yuuto asks quietly.  Even with his quiet tone, his voice still sounds too loud after that quiet silence.

          Shun’s face burns red, “I… do,” he mumbles, “I’ve been wanting to for a long time,” he admits, turning his face in shame.

          “Really?” There’s no doubting the shock in Yuuto’s voice.

          Shun just answers with a firm nod, his eyes drifting up to meet Yuuto’s.

          “Me too,”

          Shun chuckles a little at Yuuto’s response, “Now it’s my turn to ask you.  Have you really?”

          Yuuto nods, “Well… I mean, it’s more than just sex.  I want to… you know, do all that kind of stuff… The kind of stuff boyfriends do,”

          “Like hold hands and kiss?”

          “Yeah,”

          “We’ve held hands before,” Shun reminds.  Yeah, back when they were in preschool.

          “That was different.  This is… romantic,” Yuuto blushes at the word.  Romance, that was what he wanted.

          Shun laughs, “Romantic?” he manages between chuckles, “Me?  Ruri says I don’t have a romantic bone in my body,”

          “I think you do,” Yuuto mumbles, “You always share lunch with me.  That’s a start,”

          “You really think that’s romantic?” Shun asks.  His face flushes red again.

          “I do,”

          Shun stares down at the floor, shuffling his feet nervously, “I… I want all that too, Yuuto.  I do… The question is, I am good enough for you?”

          “Of course you are, you’re my best friend.  There’s no one better,”

          “Yuuto…” Shun half mumbles.  He smiles, really, truly smiles.  He smiles that same smile that makes his face look five years younger and wipes away all those worry lines.  All those years of built up layers of him being so guarded melt away.  He looks so young, so vulnerable, so… happy.

          “Shun…” Yuuto returns his smile.  He’s not afraid or worried anymore.  He’s ready, finally ready to follow Shun into that unknown of love and of love making.  

          He lets Shun lead him to the bed.  He strips, pulling off his borrowed clothing and letting it pile on the floor with Shun’s.  The look in Shun’s eyes send shivers down his spine.  There’s desire, clear and hungry but beneath it all, Yuuto can see adoration in them.  

          They start slow, with small, hesitant kisses, still so afraid to wade too far and too fast into the deep waters of this budding relationship.  It’s not long before both find themselves breathless.  They don’t speak, they communicate silently, waiting for a nod before they begin to explore each other even further than they had done on the couch.

          Shun fumbles with the pack of condoms, dropping them in his nervous state.  This is all so new, so scary and exciting and exhilarating.  He can’t hold himself together long enough the rip open the foil packet.  Yuuto takes it from him, he manages just barely, it nearly slips from his hands too.  

          Shun laughs lightly, “We’re both such messes already,” 

          Yuuto chuckles too and they both end up in a fit of warm laughter.  This was it, this was what Yuuto had really wanted.  He wanted to be able to laugh with Shun like this, even during a moment as heated as this one.  

          “I love you,” Yuuto says for the first time outloud, “I… I really do,”

          Shun’s smile is more breath taking than their kisses, “I love you too,”

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, Toxi! Two posts in two days?
> 
> Yes, two posts in two days.  
> When will I be back? Who knows?


End file.
